The order says Sunday at six. One parent arrives at 6:20 because of traffic on Highway 410, and the other refuses to answer the door. The next week it is a hockey tournament, then a dispute over a winter coat, then a disagreement about which pharmacy fills a prescription. None of these is big enough to take to a judge, and no judge could manage them all. Yet this is exactly what wears down separated families in high-conflict cases, and it is what parenting coordination was developed to address.
A parenting coordinator is a professional, often with a background in social work, psychology or family law, whom both parents retain to help carry out a parenting plan or order that already exists. The coordinator can help with communication, try to get the parents to an agreement and, under the usual Ontario model, make a binding decision on a limited list of day-to-day issues if the parents cannot agree.
This article is general information, not legal advice. Parenting coordination is not defined in any Ontario statute, and the law around it continues to develop, so the details of your own agreement matter a great deal.
What a coordinator actually does
The word “coordinator” undersells the job. A parenting coordinator usually wears several hats, generally in this order:
- Educator. Explaining how conflict affects children, and teaching ways to communicate without inflaming things.
- Coach. Helping a parent write a short, businesslike message in place of a long, angry one.
- Mediator. Helping the parents reach their own solution when an issue comes up.
- Decision-maker. Issuing a decision on an issue that the parents cannot settle, within the agreed limits.
Many coordinators also manage a shared communication system, set a protocol for raising issues and offer a quick route to get an answer. A decision might come in days, compared with the many months it can take to get a contested issue in front of a judge.
The issues are small but real. Typical examples include:
- pick-up and drop-off times and locations
- minor schedule changes, such as for a family wedding or a school trip
- which activities a child attends, and how the schedule is shared
- how vacation dates get selected in a given year
- children’s belongings moving between homes, including clothing, devices and sports equipment
- how the parents communicate about the children, and through which app
- the introduction of a new partner, in some agreements
- how routine medical and school information gets shared
What it does not do
Coordinators are not there to redo your order. Their authority is usually limited to implementing and working out details of an existing arrangement. They generally cannot:
- change the basic division of parenting time, or move a child’s primary residence
- change who has decision-making responsibility
- decide whether a parent can relocate with a child
- change the amount of child or spousal support
- divide property
- grant a restraining order or respond to an emergency
A coordinator is also not a therapist for you or your child, nor a substitute for the Children’s Aid Society, the police or an urgent court order. If a child is at risk, or if you have safety concerns, go to the right authorities. A coordinator who hears something troubling about a child’s safety may have a duty to report it.
The legal framework: secondary arbitration
Most Ontario parenting coordination agreements are built on arbitration law, specifically what the Family Law Act calls “secondary arbitration”. This is a family arbitration carried out under a separation agreement, a court order or an earlier family arbitration award, where that document provides for the arbitration of possible future disputes about its ongoing management or implementation.
Why that matters comes down to an unusual feature of Ontario’s rules. Generally, an agreement to arbitrate a family dispute is only enforceable if it is made after the dispute has arisen. A clause saying “any future parenting dispute will go to arbitration” would not normally work. Section 59.7 of the Family Law Act creates a special exception for secondary arbitration, which is what makes this kind of ongoing role possible. That section also relaxes some of the usual requirements, stating that independent legal advice is not strictly necessary before taking part in a secondary arbitration. In practice, many coordinators will still want each parent to get legal advice before signing on, and doing so is usually wise, since you are giving someone power to make decisions about your children.
Other rules still apply. The arbitration must be under Ontario or other Canadian law. A decision based on religious law or anything else, made outside that framework, has no legal effect as a family arbitration award. The arbitrator must also comply with the regulation under the Arbitration Act, 1991 (O. Reg. 134/07), and the province’s guidance says arbitrators need training in family law and in screening for domestic violence and power imbalances. Each person must be screened separately before the process begins. An award that fails these requirements may be unenforceable.
Can a court make you use one?
Generally, parenting coordination is voluntary in Ontario, and this is an area where the law is not fully settled.
Arbitration in family matters rests on the consent of the parties, and Ontario judges have said that a coordinator with arbitration powers cannot be imposed on a parent who refuses. Some decisions have considered whether a more limited coordinator, with no power to arbitrate, could be ordered under the Divorce Act, which allows a parenting order to direct the parties to attend a family dispute resolution process, subject to provincial law. Judges have not all taken the same view. If this question comes up in your case, please get advice on the current law.
What this means is that the usual path is a consent term, in a separation agreement or a consent order, followed by a retainer with a named person. If you are negotiating such a term, think about what happens if that person cannot continue, how a replacement gets chosen, and how long the appointment lasts.
How a dispute moves through the process
Coordinators each have their own procedures, but a dispute will commonly go through these stages:
- A parent raises an issue, usually in writing, using the method the agreement sets out.
- The other parent responds, within a set time.
- The coordinator tries to help them settle it, by phone, email, video or in person.
- If that fails, the coordinator gives notice that they are moving to the decision stage. Each parent has the chance to be heard, usually in writing or a short call.
- A written decision is issued, in the form that the agreement requires.
Combining mediation and arbitration has trade-offs. It is efficient, because the person deciding already knows your family. But you may also be more careful about what you say during the mediation stage, since the same person may later decide against you. Ask how this is handled before you sign.
Enforcing or challenging a decision
A decision by a parenting coordinator acting as arbitrator is a family arbitration award, and it has legal weight. Under section 59.8 of the Family Law Act, a party who wants to enforce a family arbitration award can apply to the Superior Court of Justice, or bring a motion if there is already a case. Parenting awards also need the sworn documents required for parenting matters. The court generally makes an order in the same terms if the requirements have been met and the time to appeal has passed. It can also adjust a remedy it could not or would not grant in the same circumstances.
Appeal rights depend partly on the agreement, which must set out the choice. An appeal may be limited to a question of law with leave of the court, or it may extend further, and the deadlines under arbitration law are short. Read this part of the retainer carefully. If you disagree with a decision, get advice right away. Refusing to comply on your own initiative can hurt your credibility, and it may also put your child in the middle.
The court keeps its overriding role where children are concerned. Parents cannot contract out of a court’s power to protect a child’s best interests, so an award is not beyond all review. That said, do not plan on a judge second-guessing a reasonable decision about a soccer schedule.
What it costs
Parenting coordinators charge privately, typically by the hour, and there is no government subsidy for this service. Legal aid is generally unavailable for family arbitration. The fees are usually divided between the parents according to the retainer, often equally or in proportion to their incomes. Some agreements let the coordinator reassign costs if one parent is making repeated, unreasonable requests, which can discourage overuse.
Many agreements run for a fixed term, often a year or two, with the option to renew. That makes it a meaningful commitment. Before signing, ask:
- What is the hourly rate, and how is time for emails and reading billed?
- Is there a retainer to be paid up front?
- What happens if one parent stops paying?
- Can we limit the number of hours in a month?
- How do we end the process early?
The cost should be compared honestly with what the conflict already costs. A few hundred dollars for a quick decision can be better than thousands spent on a lawyer’s letter and a motion. It can also be an expensive habit if each small irritation becomes a billable issue.
Who it suits, and who it does not
Parenting coordination tends to work best for parents who already have a clear order or agreement, have repeated conflict over implementation, are both able to follow a decision, and can afford the fees. It is also often helpful where the parents have sharply different styles, and neither has a serious safety issue.
It may not be right if:
- there has been family violence, coercive control, or a significant power imbalance
- a parent has a serious untreated mental health or addiction problem
- there is no order or settled plan to implement
- one parent is unwilling, and would only be going along under pressure
- the real dispute is about something outside a coordinator’s authority
Screening is meant to identify these concerns. Please be frank about them, and speak to your lawyer privately if you are afraid that the process could be used against you, for instance by a former partner using constant complaints to keep contact with you.
Before you sign a retainer
A coordinator’s retainer deserves the same care as any agreement about your children. Have a lawyer review:
- the list of issues on which the coordinator may decide, and any cap on it
- whether communications are confidential or can be used in court
- whether the coordinator can report to the court or the Children’s Lawyer
- the appeal clause
- the process for replacing the coordinator
- the fee-sharing and reallocation terms
- how long the appointment lasts and how it ends
Check the person’s background too. Arbitrators are not regulated by a single body in Ontario. Ask about their training in parenting coordination, family law and screening, whether they are a member of a professional organization and how they carry out the screening.
A way to keep small things small
Parents do not usually come to parenting coordination because they are fighting about the big decisions. They come because the small things never end, and their children hear about them all. A good coordinator can offer a place for those disputes to go, and may help the two of you to need that place less over time.
If you are working on a parenting plan or are worn down by ongoing conflict over an existing order, our custody and parenting page explains how parenting arrangements are decided, and you can contact the office to talk about whether adding this kind of clause makes sense for your family.