Late November is when many separated parents learn that their parenting schedule has a hole in it. The order says alternating weekends, and it says “reasonable holiday time.” One parent has already bought flights for Christmas week. The other has told the kids they will be home. Neither one is necessarily being difficult. The paper simply does not answer the question they are now asking.
Holidays and summers are hard because they break up the normal routine, involve family well beyond the two parents, and often come with non-refundable bookings. They are also easy to plan for ahead of time, which makes them the most preventable source of parenting disputes.
This is general information for Ontario families and not legal advice. If there are safety concerns, a history of family violence, or an order already in place, please get advice about your own situation before changing what you are doing. The sample wording below is for illustration only.
Start with the calendar your child actually lives by
The rhythm of a school-aged child in Brampton is largely set by the Peel District School Board or the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board. Both generally have a two-week winter break, a one-week March Break, and summer from late June until after Labour Day. Professional activity days and statutory holidays fall through the year. Check the board’s current calendar rather than relying on last year’s dates, because they shift.
Then lay out what matters to your family that is not on the school calendar. In Brampton, that list may include:
- Diwali, Bandi Chhor Divas, Vaisakhi and Gurpurab
- Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha, along with Ramadan routines
- Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Easter and, for many families, Orthodox dates
- Lunar New Year, Navratri or Rosh Hashanah
- Family Day, Thanksgiving, Canada Day and the August civic holiday
- Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and birthdays
A child’s cultural and religious upbringing and heritage is one of the factors in the best interests test under section 16 of the Divorce Act and section 24 of Ontario’s Children’s Law Reform Act. A schedule that overlooks an important observance, or uses it against the other parent, can become a real problem. The aim should be to preserve the child’s connection to what each side of the family celebrates. In many homes, those days do not overlap, so this part may be easier than you expect.
Choose a method for dividing holidays
There is no standard formula, but these are the approaches parents use most often.
Alternating by year. One parent has Christmas Day in even-numbered years and the other in odd-numbered years. It is simple, and a calendar can be set years ahead. The drawback is that a child and parent may wait two years for a treasured celebration.
Splitting the day. The child spends the morning with one parent and the evening with the other. This can work well when parents live close together, such as Bramalea and Heart Lake, but less well where one parent has moved to Windsor or Ottawa, or where the transition would mean spending the holiday in the car.
Fixed assignment. Each parent always has the days that matter most to them. A Sikh parent might always have Vaisakhi, and a Christian parent always Christmas Eve. If the parents come from the same tradition, they are more likely to need alternating or splitting.
Dividing long breaks. Winter break can be split at a fixed midpoint, and March Break can alternate each year. Make sure the changeover time avoids a date that one parent cares about most. If the midpoint falls on Christmas morning, for example, someone will be unhappy.
Whichever method you choose, consider what the regular schedule does around these times. A parent whose weekend comes right before a long stretch of holiday time could have the child for nearly three weeks, which may be too long for a young child. Younger children often manage better with shorter periods away from either parent, and a schedule can build in phone or video calls and a shorter stretch while they are small, with longer stretches as they grow.
Moving dates need their own rule
Several important celebrations follow lunar calendars, and their dates are not known far in advance with complete certainty. Eid, in particular, may depend on the sighting of the moon. A parenting plan that says “the Eid weekend” can cause confusion if the celebration turns out to fall on a Tuesday.
Better wording identifies who determines the date and what happens around it. As an illustration:
“Eid al-Fitr: the child will be with the mother from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. on the day Eid is observed by the mother’s mosque. The mother will confirm the expected dates by text by the first day of Ramadan and the final date as soon as it is known. If the day falls on a school day, the parents will discuss whether the child attends school.”
That last sentence raises an additional point. Boards generally accommodate religious observance, but a day away from school may need to be planned around tests or other commitments. Say who will notify the school.
Summer: time, selection dates and travel
Summer is a block of about ten weeks, and it calls for its own plan. Many parents keep the regular schedule and let each have a certain number of uninterrupted weeks, typically two to four, depending on the child’s age. Others switch to a week-on, week-off routine for July and August, which can make it easier to plan child care.
The clause that prevents the most disputes is a selection date. As an illustration:
“By April 1 each year, the parent with first choice will notify the other in writing of their two non-consecutive vacation weeks. The other parent will choose by April 15. The father has first choice in even-numbered years, and the mother in odd-numbered years.”
Your plan should also answer:
- whether a vacation week starts on a Friday or a Sunday, and at what time
- whether the regular weekend applies during a vacation week
- which camps or programs the child will attend, how they are chosen and how the costs are shared
- who drives the child to camp if it is outside the normal routine
- whether one parent must offer time to the other before hiring a sitter, and for how long a period
- how the end of August is handled, so that the child returns to the school-year routine in time
Camp costs can raise a separate issue, because some child care and activity expenses may be shared under section 7 of the child support guidelines. If you want those costs shared, say so in writing and include how a choice will be approved. And if your summer schedule substantially changes how much time the child spends with each parent over the course of the year, consider the possible effect on child support, since the 40 per cent threshold for shared parenting is measured across the year. Choose a schedule for your child’s sake, but do the math so that you are not surprised.
Travel, passports and long trips overseas
Many Peel families travel to see relatives in India, Pakistan, the Philippines, Jamaica, Nigeria or elsewhere, and a trip of several weeks can take up a large part of the summer. Those trips also raise the most anxiety.
A good travel clause gives:
- the notice required, such as 60 days for travel outside Canada
- what must be provided: flights, addresses, contact numbers and return date
- who holds the passports, and how they will be handed over
- when written consent must be signed and returned
- how the child will stay in contact with the other parent during the trip
The federal government recommends that a child travelling abroad with only one parent carry a consent letter signed by the other parent, and border officials and airlines may ask questions without one. Having the letter notarized is often a good idea, and some countries have their own requirements.
If you are worried that your child might not be returned, tell a lawyer right away, before the trip. Not every country has joined the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, and returning a child from such a country can be much harder. A court may set conditions, such as requiring a return ticket, or may decline to permit the travel. Equally, if you are the parent who wants to travel, you can reduce suspicion by being fully open and offering the other parent the details at an early stage.
Make the priority order explicit
Most holiday disputes are really about which rule wins. Put the ranking in writing, for example:
- Religious and cultural days and other specific holidays
- Winter break and March Break
- Summer vacation weeks
- Regular parenting schedule
Then state what happens with conflicts, such as a Father’s Day that falls during the mother’s vacation week. You should also state that the regular schedule resumes afterward without any make-up time, unless you agree to something different, so that nobody is keeping score.
Include practical terms: exact times rather than “morning,” who drives, how a parent will communicate if running late, and what happens if a child is ill on a changeover day. Even a shared online calendar can be a helpful tool, but specify that the written order or agreement governs if there is a conflict.
If you already have an order
An order is binding until it is changed. If you and your former spouse agree to a one-time swap, confirm it by text or email, so that both of you have a record. If the change will be permanent, consider having it formalized by way of a consent motion. Saying “we always did it this way” is a weak protection when a relationship deteriorates.
If your order is vague and the holiday is coming, try mediation first. Where parents cannot agree, a motion can ask a judge to clarify or set the schedule. Court dates take time to obtain, however, and a dispute over a date just days away may be heard on an urgent basis only if it meets the court’s criteria, which a purely scheduling issue often will not. Start in the spring for summer and by early fall for December.
When a parent does not follow the schedule
Missing holiday time is painful, but your response matters. Calmly ask, in writing, what happened and propose a fix, such as make-up time. Avoid withholding the next visit in retaliation or arguing at the door in front of the kids. Keep a simple log of dates, what was scheduled and what happened.
For repeated breaches, a court can make a range of orders under Rule 1(8) of the Family Law Rules, including costs. Contempt is also possible, but it is treated as a last resort. If your child refuses to go, or if you have a genuine concern about safety, get advice immediately, as those situations call for careful handling.
A simple plan to start with
Take a blank twelve-month calendar and mark all school breaks, then add religious and family dates, then add each parent’s vacation limits, including seasonal work peaks in warehouses, trucking or retail. Draft the rule for each period and test it against the next two years. If it produces an unfair or absurd result, change it now.
Our parenting and custody page discusses how these terms fit into a broader order or agreement. If you have a draft schedule you would like reviewed before a busy season, you can contact our office with what you have. Bringing the real calendar, rather than a general complaint, tends to make these conversations much more productive.