Picture two ways of settling the same argument over a parenting schedule. In one, you and your former spouse sit with a neutral person for an afternoon and draft something you can both live with. In the other, someone with authority reads your evidence, hears both sides and tells you what will happen. Family court is one version of the second approach, but it is not the only one, and most people have more options than they realize.
Ontario actually pushes separating families to consider these alternatives. Parties to a proceeding under the Divorce Act, the Family Law Act or the Children’s Law Reform Act must try to resolve their issues through a family dispute resolution process, to the extent it is appropriate. Lawyers have matching duties to discuss those options, unless it is clearly inappropriate. The phrase “to the extent it is appropriate” matters, and we will come back to it.
This article is general information and not legal advice. The right process depends on your family, your safety and what is in dispute.
The Short Version of Each Option
- Negotiation is talking directly, or through lawyers, until you reach an agreement.
- Mediation uses a neutral person to help you reach your own agreement. The mediator does not decide anything.
- Collaborative law uses specially trained lawyers and a commitment to resolve the matter outside court, often with other professionals such as financial or family specialists.
- Arbitration gives the decision to a private arbitrator chosen by the parties, whose award can be enforced.
- Mediation-arbitration starts with mediation and moves to arbitration on whatever issues remain unresolved.
- Court puts the decision in the hands of a judge, with steps such as conferences and possibly a trial.
These are not mutually exclusive. Many families negotiate some issues, mediate others, and go to court on one or two that cannot be resolved.
How Family Mediation Actually Works
A session usually begins well before anybody sits at the same table. The mediator meets each person separately at intake to check whether both people are able to negotiate as equals, and whether there are any safety concerns. Screening continues through the process. Mediators connected with the court system must have specific training in intimate partner violence, including screening.
Sessions then typically move through identifying issues, sharing information and exploring options. The mediator might point out where you already agree, ask questions you have not considered, and help you test whether a proposal would actually work. For instance, a schedule might look balanced on paper until someone asks how the children get to school in Mount Pleasant on Tuesday mornings when one parent works an early shift in Mississauga.
A mediator cannot give either of you legal advice and does not take sides. That makes independent legal advice important before and during the process, and especially before you sign. You can bring a lawyer to mediation, although you do not have to. Some people prefer to meet with a lawyer between sessions to check how a proposal compares with what the law might provide.
Open or closed mediation
Ask about this at the start. In closed mediation, discussions and documents are generally private and cannot be used in court, with limited exceptions such as serious concerns about a child’s safety. In open mediation, what was said can be discussed in court, and the mediator may prepare a report on what has been resolved and what has not. The provincial guidance says mediation is closed unless both people agree otherwise. Most people feel freer to float compromises in a closed setting.
What it costs in Peel
Ontario funds family mediation services connected with family courts. Free on-site mediation is available at the courthouse on the day your matter is scheduled, including at 7755 Hurontario Street, and can help with issues like parenting time, decision-making, support and property. Sessions are usually short, so they tend to suit narrower problems. Check with the Family Law Information Centre about what can be addressed on your court date.
Off-site mediation is available at any time for a fee, set on a sliding scale based on income and the number of dependants. The province’s example says that someone earning under $60,000 a year may pay between $5 and $105 an hour, depending on how many people they are financially responsible for. Service providers may reduce or waive fees, and Legal Aid Ontario may cover mediation for people with low income. Private mediators set their own fees, often higher, but may offer more flexible scheduling and longer sessions for financially complex cases.
Turning a Mediated Deal Into Something Enforceable
A handshake at the end of a good mediation session is not a binding contract. Mediators often prepare a memorandum summarizing what you agreed to, but a lawyer normally still needs to turn it into a proper separation agreement. For that agreement to be enforceable under the Family Law Act, it must be in writing, signed by both people and witnessed. Each of you should have your own lawyer review it, because this helps show that each of you understood what you were signing.
Support terms in a separation agreement can be filed with the court and then with the Family Responsibility Office for enforcement. Parenting terms can be included in an agreement too, or made into a consent order. Consider which route gives you what you need, especially if you may need to travel with a child, deal with a school or apply for a passport, all of which can go more smoothly with a clear order.
Family Arbitration: A Private Decision With Real Rules
Arbitration feels closer to court than mediation does. A private arbitrator hears evidence and makes a decision, called an award. People often choose it because they can pick their decision-maker, set their own schedule and keep their dispute private. Wait times can be much shorter than a contested court path, but the parties pay the arbitrator’s fees as well as their own lawyers’ fees, so it is not cheap. Legal aid is generally unavailable for family arbitration.
Ontario has strict rules, and missing one can mean an award cannot be enforced in court. Under the Family Law Act:
- The arbitration must be conducted exclusively under the law of Ontario or another Canadian jurisdiction.
- The arbitration agreement must be in writing and must be made after the dispute has arisen. A clause in a marriage contract saying “any future dispute goes to arbitration” will not work to make an award enforceable.
- Each person must receive independent legal advice before making the agreement, and each lawyer provides a certificate.
- The arbitrator must comply with the regulations, which include training in family law and screening for domestic violence and power imbalances. Each person is screened separately before arbitration starts.
- The parties cannot agree to opt out of these protections.
The rules on religion are often misunderstood. A decision based on religious principles, made by a person acting outside these requirements, is not a family arbitration under Ontario law and has no legal effect. Nothing stops someone from seeking advice from a religious leader, and a religious official can act as an arbitrator if they have the required training and apply Ontario or Canadian law. In a diverse community like Brampton, families should be clear about the difference between religious guidance and a legally binding decision, as each plays its own role.
Arbitrators are not regulated by a single body in Ontario. Ask about training, experience in family matters, and fees before signing. The province lists organizations that may help you find one, such as the ADR Institute of Ontario and the Family Dispute Resolution Institute of Ontario. Check who you are dealing with on your own, and ask your lawyer.
Enforcement and Appeals
Support provisions in a family arbitration award can be filed with the court using the required form and documents, and then enforced like a court order. Other kinds of terms generally need an application or a motion under the Family Law Rules. Parenting awards also need the sworn documents required for parenting matters.
Arbitrators’ decisions are not necessarily final in the way people assume. Rights of appeal depend partly on what your arbitration agreement says. If it is silent, an appeal on a question of law requires leave from the court, and the court grants it only in limited circumstances. Your agreement can provide wider appeal rights, including for questions of fact or mixed fact and law. A court can also set aside an award on certain procedural grounds, such as a party not being treated fairly. The deadlines are short, typically measured in days and not in months. Think about these clauses before you sign, because they are hard to fix later.
Mediation-Arbitration: The Hybrid
In “med-arb,” the same person often tries to help you settle and then, if that fails, decides the rest. The appeal is obvious: you have one professional who understands your family, and you know the dispute will end. The risk is that you may be more guarded in mediation, knowing the same person could decide against you. If that troubles you, ask about using two different people, or consider having your lawyer present.
When Staying Out of Court Is the Wrong Choice
Alternatives are not always better. Mediation works best when both people are willing to find a solution, feel safe meeting and can explain their needs and listen to the other’s concerns. Those conditions may be missing where:
- there has been family violence, coercive control or a real fear of the other person
- one person is hiding income or assets, or refuses financial disclosure
- a child is at immediate risk or is about to be taken from the province
- one person has a serious impairment or addiction that prevents meaningful negotiation
- you need an urgent order, such as a restraining order or an order preventing the sale of a home
Please be frank at intake about any abuse or fear. Screening is intended to spot it, and a good mediator may recommend separate rooms, safety measures or no mediation at all. In these situations, court orders may offer protections that a private process cannot. You can always be in court on some matters while trying to settle others. In Brampton, there is also a Dispute Resolution Officer program, where experienced family lawyers hold select case conferences to give early, neutral feedback on a case, which can help narrow issues even after a court case has started.
Choosing Between the Options
Some useful questions to ask yourself:
Is there anything I need a judge’s power for? Urgent protection or orders against a third party may require court. Arbitration has limits in that respect.
Do we have the same facts? If you mostly disagree about values or logistics, mediation can do well. If you are fighting about what someone really earns, you may need disclosure tools first, and then mediation can follow.
What can we afford? Compare not just the hourly rates but also the likely total cost. A short private process may turn out cheaper than a long court case, and a court case may be the only realistic route if you cannot pay private fees. Court-connected services can reduce cost greatly for some families.
How much does privacy matter? Court files are generally accessible, subject to specific rules. A family business owner or someone in a small community may value a private forum.
How do we want to co-parent afterward? Parents who will share exchanges, school events and graduations for years to come may gain something from a process in which they had to speak to each other respectfully.
Who will make decisions if we can’t agree later? You may want a parenting clause requiring mediation first before anyone returns to court. If you plan arbitration, get advice on how to structure it given the rule that the arbitration agreement must follow the dispute. Secondary arbitrations under a separation agreement or earlier order have some special rules, so this deserves a careful look.
Getting Started Locally
The Family Law Information Centre at the Brampton courthouse can provide information about mediation and other community services. If you are thinking about a private process, ask a family lawyer for advice before you commit, and try to get your financial documents in order: tax returns, pay stubs, mortgage statements and pension information. The more complete your disclosure, the faster the conversation goes.
None of these options is a sign of weakness, and none of them means giving up your rights. They are ways to decide who controls the outcome, how quickly it comes, and what it costs. To go over which path might suit your family, you can read about our family law services or contact the firm. If you are heading toward a separation agreement or divorce, our divorce page may also help you plan your next steps.