Think about last Tuesday. Who got the kids up, who made sure the gym shoes were in the bag, who answered when the school called at 1:30? Before separation, most families handle these things through habit. Afterward, each small routine can turn into a negotiation, usually at the worst possible time.
A parenting plan replaces some of that uncertainty with something you can both read and follow. It is a written set of arrangements for how you will raise your children while living apart. It can be as short as a few pages or considerably longer, and it can be drawn up between you, with a mediator or through lawyers. Good plans are not necessarily the most detailed. They are the ones that reflect how your children and your household actually operate.
Please treat this as general information only. It is not legal advice, and any plan involving safety concerns or family violence calls for individual advice before you negotiate directly.
The words the law uses
You will still hear older words from relatives and online forums, but the law has moved on from them. Under the Divorce Act and Ontario’s Children’s Law Reform Act, the terms “custody” and “access” have largely given way to:
- Parenting time: the time a child is in a parent’s care, whether or not the child is physically with them for all of it.
- Decision-making responsibility: responsibility for making significant decisions about a child’s well-being, including health, education, culture, language, religion and significant extracurricular activities.
- Contact: time with people who are not parents, such as a grandparent, under a contact order.
Unless an order says otherwise, each parent has the exclusive authority to make day-to-day decisions during their own parenting time. That means bedtime at your place and what is for dinner are generally yours to decide. It also means your plan does not need to micromanage them.
The standard your plan will be measured against
Courts decide parenting issues only on the basis of a child’s best interests, with primary consideration given to the child’s physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. The list of factors in section 16 of the Divorce Act, and the matching section 24 of the Children’s Law Reform Act, includes:
- the child’s needs, given their age and stage of development, and their need for stability
- the nature and strength of the child’s relationships with parents, siblings, grandparents and others
- each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent
- the history of care for the child
- the child’s views and preferences, given their age and maturity
- the child’s cultural, linguistic, religious and spiritual upbringing and heritage
- any plans for the child’s care
- each person’s ability and willingness to care for the child and to communicate and cooperate on matters affecting the child
- any family violence and its effect on the child
You do not have to go to court to use this list. Think of it as a set of useful questions to ask of your plan. There is also a legal link to the courts: when parents file an agreed plan, section 16.6 of the Divorce Act says a court shall include it in a parenting order unless that would not be in the child’s best interests. Section 16(6) says a child should have as much time with each parent as is consistent with the child’s best interests. That is not a presumption of equal time. It is a direction that time be set according to the child’s needs.
Designing the weekly schedule
Begin with the child’s week, not the parents’ preferences. List school or daycare hours, activities, religious classes, medical appointments, and anything else that repeats. Then lay out each parent’s real availability, including shifts and commuting. A parent who drives from Brampton to a warehouse in Milton for a 6 a.m. start can do many things, but a school drop-off at 8:30 is probably not one of them. Honest planning avoids the schedule that collapses in its second week.
Common patterns include:
- Week on, week off. Fewer handoffs, but a long stretch away from each parent. This can suit older children.
- 2-2-5-5. Each parent has the same two weekdays every week, and they alternate the weekends. This creates predictability for school routines.
- 2-2-3. Frequent changeovers, which some younger children may need so they do not go long without seeing a parent.
- Primary residence with regular parenting time. The child lives mainly in one home, with set evenings, overnights or weekends in the other.
Children’s ages are important. Infants and toddlers often do better with short, frequent contact than long stretches apart. School-aged children tend to value predictability and being with their friends. Teenagers often want a say, and a plan that ignores a 15-year-old’s part-time job and social life is unlikely to last. Plans should include a way to adjust as children grow, such as a set review each year or at transitions like starting high school.
Be careful about schedules and money. A schedule giving each parent at least 40 per cent of the time can affect how child support is calculated. Choose a schedule because it works for the children, not to change a support figure.
Holidays, breaks and celebrations
Regular weeks are the easy part. Conflict tends to appear in holiday periods, so your plan should deal with them in writing. Brampton’s families observe a wide range of religious and cultural days, and a plan that addresses only Christmas and March Break may leave out the days that matter most in your home. Be specific about Diwali, Vaisakhi, Eid, Lunar New Year, Easter, Christmas or whatever applies to you, and remember that some of these dates move each year.
A useful holiday section covers:
- the school winter break and March Break, and how they are split
- statutory holiday weekends and whether they extend the parent’s regular weekend
- religious and cultural days, with how the date is determined
- Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and the child’s and parents’ birthdays
- summer vacation, including how many weeks each parent gets, and by what date they must choose
- which schedule overrides which, since holidays usually take priority over the regular schedule
You might also agree on a rule for a parent’s right of first refusal, under which a parent who cannot care for the child for a certain period must ask the other parent before making alternate arrangements. If you include one, set a clear threshold, such as an overnight or more than four hours, so it does not turn into a daily argument.
Making decisions together, or not
Decision-making can be handled in different ways. Parents can decide jointly on major issues. One parent can have responsibility for a particular area, such as health, while they share others. Or a court can allocate it to one parent where cooperation is not realistic. Whatever you choose, say how it will work: how long does each person have to respond, how are they contacted, and what happens if they disagree?
Your plan might also address:
- which school the children attend, recognizing that Peel District School Board and Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School Board have different attendance boundaries and programs
- who the family doctor, dentist and any therapist will be
- how religious education and language classes are handled
- access to information: under the Divorce Act, a person with parenting time or decision-making responsibility is entitled to request information about the child’s well-being, including health and education, from each parent and from others who are likely to have it, unless a court orders otherwise
Handoffs, travel and the practical details
A little extra detail here can prevent many arguments.
Exchanges. Where do they take place, who drives, and what happens if someone is late? If tension is high, doing the exchange at school can spare children from watching their parents interact. If there are safety concerns, you may need a supervised exchange or a third party.
Communication between parents. Pick one channel and stick with it. A shared calendar, or an app built for co-parents, creates a clear record. Keep messages short and child-focused, as they may one day be read by a judge.
The child’s contact with each parent. You may agree on a reasonable window for phone or video calls during the other parent’s time.
Travel. Say how much notice is needed for travel, whether the other parent’s written consent will be provided, who holds the passports, and how you will share an itinerary. A signed consent letter can help at the border. Note that the two-parent signing and consent requirements for children’s passport applications are set by the federal government and should be checked before you apply.
Moving. Include a reminder that a relocation has its own legal notice requirements. Even a change of address requires notice under the law. It is sensible to include a clause, but the plan cannot simply remove those statutory protections.
New partners and other household matters. Some parents want to set expectations, such as when a child is introduced to a new partner. Others think this is going too far. Decide what you truly need and keep it reasonable.
Belongings and expenses. Who keeps the child’s health card, school uniforms and sports gear? Add a clause for this if it is likely to cause trouble. Costs should link to your support arrangements.
Getting it done without a court
Parents often get through this without any contested court process. You can sit down together and use the federal Department of Justice’s guide and checklist as a starting point. Mediators are another option, and Peel Family Mediation Services offers on-site mediation at the Brampton courthouse for people with a court date, as well as off-site mediation on a sliding fee scale. Mediation may not be appropriate where there has been family violence or significant power imbalance, and good mediators will screen for this.
Having your own lawyer review the draft is worthwhile. A lawyer can spot terms that are vague, that conflict with your support arrangements, or that would be hard to enforce. Plans can be turned into a separation agreement or a consent order, and it matters which one you choose. An order is easier to enforce through the court. A written agreement can still be useful, and parents may later ask a court to incorporate it. Under section 56(1) of the Family Law Act, a court can disregard a parenting term of an agreement if the child’s best interests require it, so a signature is not the end of the discussion.
When agreement is not possible, and when plans break down
If you cannot agree, you may need to ask the court to decide. At Brampton, parenting cases can proceed in the Ontario Court of Justice or, where a divorce or property claim is also involved, the Superior Court. Parenting claims come with specific documents, including an affidavit on Form 35.1, along with conferences and possibly a temporary order. You will generally still be expected to attend the mandatory information program, and the court may hear about any plan you propose.
Even a working plan can run into trouble. If one parent repeatedly misses time or the plan stops serving the child, document what happens factually and try to solve it through your agreed process. If a child’s safety is at risk, act at once and get advice. Otherwise, avoid simply withholding time. Courts expect parents to follow orders and agreements, and self-help can harm your position, and more importantly, can harm your child’s relationships.
Most importantly, try to keep your children out of the middle: do not use them as messengers, ask them to report on the other home or make them choose. Our guide to decision-making and parenting time has more about how these issues are approached, and our Brampton office can review a draft if that would give you more confidence.